How To Let Go of Resentment Towards Parents: Part 2

How To Let  Go of Resentment Towards Parents Part 2

Welcome to part two of my series of posts discussing how to let go of resentment towards parents.  If you missed part 1, take the opportunity to go back and read the first post.

As mature as we get, we still carry some childhood disappointments and resentments, recognizing them is the first step to letting them go.

Some might still bring tears to your eyes or a feeling of anger.  These are what we are going to work with today.  OK, you had a mother who wanted you to be girlie, but you wanted one that would be proud of your hook shot.  It is common for humans to keep hoping that things will change.  However, by the time Mom comes to your home to age in place, its unlikely she is going to suddenly go shoot with you.  Now that she is living in your house, its time to face that it isn’t going to happen, to let it go so that you can accept who she is and enjoy having her with you.   

You will grieve that sports minded mom that you never had as if she died, because the hope that she will become that mom, is dying.   Most likely just the acknowledgement is enough, but sometimes writing it down and actually burying it is necessary.  But letting that fantasy mom die is important to make room for your real mom.

This step 2 of
how to let go of resentment towards parents prevents that resentment about what you didn’t have from ambushing you at inopportune times. It frees you from bad feelings and it leaves room for you to enjoy the real mom.

Next time we will talk about the actual process of forgiveness and how it will help your process of elder care.

Find the entire system in my book You Can Keep Your Parents At Home 

Letting Go of Resentment Towards Parents: Part 1

Letting Go of Resentment Towards Parents: Part 1

Aging in Place can mean bringing your parents into your home, or keeping them in place in the community in their own home. This can be the least expensive and most rewarding method of home care. I did it for 10 years and wouldn’t have it any other way. Elder care is one of the most rewarding experiences you can have. However, bringing adults into your home does mean that you have to prepare.

letting go

One of the most important steps, the “L” in my 4-point program “LOVE”, is to learn to “Let go”. Let’s explore how to let go of resentment towards parents in 5 steps.

When the time comes for parents to “age in place” at your home, you have had anywhere from 30 to 60 years of history with them. That means a lot of good times, and some rough ones.

One of the most important steps to successful home elder care is to let go of resentment from the past. That does not mean hours of individual or family therapy. I have an easy way to do this. In this and the next few posts, I will teach you the 5 steps.

Step 1

The first step is to know what resentments you are carrying with you. This is not to be shared with your parents. There is no reason for that and it could cause harm with no benefits. You are the only person who needs to know. In fact, you may want to throw the paper away once you are finished.

The reason for doing this is that resentments can pop up and hit you in times of stress. You don’t want any internal surprises.

Write down everything, and let your mind wonder – no matter how silly something may sound write it down. Your mother mocked your new hairdo when you were 14 and embarrassed you in front of your friends. Your father didn’t take you fishing with your brothers. Don’t be embarrassed. All humans have these things, but you can’t control them unless you know what they are. Once you know what they are, you are in control of your own feelings. It’s the only thing that you can control, so take advantage of it.

My next post will tell you how to start to let those resentments go.

You can find the entire system in my book You Can Keep Your Parents At Home

Keep Your Parents At Home