Welcome back. We are almost through the entire process of how to let go of resentment towards parents. At the end of this series is a new appreciation for your parents, for yourself and a better relationship with a happy aging in place experience but first you must just forgive.However, saying that to your mother is unlikely to help much. That would probably make her very confused and in fact may cause other problems, but you can certainly say it to yourself. “Mom I forgive you for not understanding basketball and therefore my passion for it”. You may need to say it a lot. It may need to be a mantra for a little while, but you can learn to say it quietly to yourself.
Don’t think that forgiving means that you have to never have any sorrow when you think of your mother not knowing about your shooting stats. With any loss there will always be poignancy, but you are also now clear that mom didn’t do this to hurt you and it cost her something too.Now, in this forgiveness process, don’t forget to forgive yourself. You need to forgive yourself for not being the daughter your mom wanted. Yes, there will be some of that.
One of the reasons you resented your mother for not appreciating your basketball skills is because it also made you feel that there was something lacking in you. You weren’t her ideal daughter. My, but people are complicated! Forgive yourself for not meeting living up to her standards and forgive yourself for holding any resentment from your youth. Forgive yourself for not being perfect.When that forgiveness is for both you and Mom you will be more able now to appreciate that you are two grown women who are living in the same house, who can help each other but who will sometimes annoy each other. Most importantly you will be more able to see you and your mom or dad as who they are and love what is there, not worry about what isn’t there.
Well, now you have done a lot and now its time to reap the benefits. In the next post we will talk about how to use this knowledge to make a positive relationship.If you missed my previous posts about how to let go of resentment towards parents during the aging in place process, here they are: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3.
Find the book, You Can Keep Your Parents at Home on Amazon